The Dadventure Weekly Newsletter
Back to wellbeing basics, kids growing up too fast and one just for the dads
General Mental Health - Idea of the week
Modern life isn’t slowing down. The to-do lists, notifications, expectations, and general noise of the world can be a lot. Add in work, family responsibilities, bills, and the odd existential crisis while standing in line at the supermarket… you can see why as a country we are battling with our wellness.
So this week, I’m trying to get back to basics. Reminding myself that I don’t need to fix everything. I just need to control what I can and be present. And that starts with simple, sustainable habits. The kind that help you feel more like yourself, even on hard days.
There are tons of apps I could download, green smoothies I could drink, or podcasts I could listen to. But the reality is I just need a few back-to-basics tools to keep my mental health steady and my nervous system out of overdrive.
1. Start With Your Breath
It sounds too simple to matter, and I know I have harped on about this before. But it’s often the first thing we lose when things feel overwhelming. I was talking to my wife over the weekend who said she's been holding her breath during meetings and then feeling light headed. So, when you read this Chloe, take a deep breath. It’s easy to let the basics get out of whack. Occam's Razor, often the simplest explanation for why things are off, is the correct one. Just breathe.
Try this: Pause. Inhale slowly for four counts. Exhale even slower for six. I mean it. Right now. Pause.
One deep breath, or two or three, signals to your body that it’s safe. It takes the edge off anxiety, resets your system, and helps you move from reaction mode to something more intentional. You don’t need to “meditate.” You just need a moment.
2. Move, Don’t Overthink It
You don’t need a workout plan. You just need to move.
Walk around the block. Dance in your kitchen. Do a few stretches in your lounge while the kettle boils. Movement is medicine, for your body and your brain. That’s why I love my gym, I just show up and they tell me what to do. I don’t have to plan anything, just show up and sweat.
It boosts mood, clears stress hormones, and reminds you that you live in a body, not just a head full of thoughts.
3. Find the Micro-Joys
Wellbeing isn’t built in the one off big things like a retreat. It’s the little things, often overlooked, that refill your tank.
The smell of toast. A good laugh. Sunlight on your face. A text from someone you love. The way your favourite song at the moment makes you move.
Train your mind to spot these moments, and take your time with them . They're not small. They’re everything.
4. Talk to Someone
We’re not designed to do life alone, especially the hard parts.
That doesn’t mean you have to have deep and meaningfuls every day. But start by saying something. “I’m feeling off.” “It’s been a rough week.” “Can I run something by you?”
Whether it’s a mate, a partner, or a mental health pro, talking opens a door. And often, that first step is enough to shift the weight. The power isn’t in the answer, it’s in the conversation itself.
So, You don’t need to be a wellness expert to look after your mind. You just need to come back to the basics.
Breathe. Move. Notice the good stuff in your life. Talk when you need to.
The chaos of life might not change, but you can. More importantly, the way you react can. I’d love to know what else you might add to this list of ‘basics’. Let me and other readers know in the comments.
Parenting Mental Health - Idea of the week
There’s this bittersweet truth no one really prepares you for as a parent, your kids won’t be little forever. Our littlest man is already about to move out of the new entrants class at his school and I’ve had some big emotions about it. We have a running joke in our house about telling the kids to ‘stop growing’. They will exclaim proudly that they know something new or have shot up and grown a couple of centimetres and my wife will say ‘I thought I told you to stop growing’ which makes them giggle and shriek with glee. But whether we like it or not, they are, and the past week has been a big reminder of that.
It hits you in strange moments. Like when they hop out of the car at dancing without needing you to help them with the door. Or when they start reading a book alone instead of asking you to read it. You’re proud, of course you are, but there’s also this quiet ache that sneaks up on you. Because these days that once felt endless, they start to fly. I think I’m more attuned to it with our youngest, because there’s no more after this.
So I’ve been thinking about some ideas for how we can make the most of the time we have with them now. Here’s what I’ve come up with…
Slow It Down (Even Just a Bit)
Life as a working parent is a constant juggle. We’re multitasking, trying to meet deadlines or start businesses, manage drop offs, cook dinners, and maybe squeeze in five minutes of actual adult conversation. But in the middle of all that noise, we risk missing the stuff that matters most.
I’m not suggesting abandoning all of that. But what we can do is slow it down just enough to see what’s in front of us.
Say yes to the extra book at bedtime, even when your to-do list is screaming. In 2 months time you’ll still be doing dishes, but will they want you to read ‘Zog’ anymore?
Take the long way home so you can talk about dinosaurs or clouds or why seagulls steal chips.
Stop scrolling for a sec and just watch them. The simple things. How they laugh, how they move, how they see the world. This is a big one for myself right now.
Presence Over Perfection
We all mess it up sometimes. We lose our temper, we miss the moment, we’re distracted when we don’t mean to be. That’s part of being human. The goal isn’t to be perfect, it’s to show up when we can and to keep trying.
What kids remember isn’t how spotless the house was or how well we juggled meetings and laundry. They remember how we made them feel.
Did we listen?
Did we laugh with them?
Were we there, even just for a little bit?
If the answer is yes, we’re doing better than we think. Take some credit!
Anchor to the Everyday
Sometimes we think we need grand gestures to make memories. Things like big holidays, flashy gifts, milestone moments. But the magic is in the mundane.
Pancakes on Sunday mornings. Or twice a week as we seem to be doing right now!
Playing the same board game for the hundredth time.
Being there at the sideline even when it’s freezing.
That’s what sticks. That’s what matters. The ordinary stuff becomes extraordinary simply because we were present for it.
One day you’ll carry them for the last time without knowing it’s the last. You’ll tuck them in and they’ll roll their eyes and say they’re too old for that. And while they’ll always be your kid, they won’t always need you in the same way.
So let’s make the most of this season while we’re still in it.
My reflection this week is to put the phone down, say yes to the park, and read lots of books. To soak in the chaos, the noise and the endless questions. Because one day, our house will be quieter. And while I’ll have more sleep and cleaner carpets, I’ll miss the mess that drove me mad. If you’ve got anything you might add to this, please let me know in the comments.
Working Parent - Idea of the week
This week's working parents section is for the dads. More specifically the invisible load of being a dad.
Not the “I’ll take the bins out” or “I’ll mow the lawns this weekend” kind of load. I’m talking about the constant hum of responsibility in the back of your mind. The checklist that no one sees. The emotional weight of trying to be a good partner, a good parent, do your job well and somehow still feel like yourself.
For a long time, the narrative around the “mental load” was centred on mothers, and rightly so. They've carried more than their share for decades. But, as more dads show up, stay home, take parental leave, or simply try to parent differently, a new kind of mental load has crept in. One we often don’t talk about. One that can leave us feeling burnt out, disconnected, and unsure of whether we’re doing enough, or even the right thing, at any given moment.
Naming It
The invisible load for dads might look like:
Remembering to book the kids jabs.
Worrying if your kid is getting enough sleep or veggies.
Juggling the pressure of being a “provider” with wanting to be present at home.
Feeling like you need to be strong, supportive, funny and patient. All. The. Time.
Trying to support your partner, while quietly drowning in your own problems.
And because the role of the modern dad is constantly evolving, we’re building the plane while flying it. No manual. No map. Just going off vibes and google/chat GPT help.
Here’s the problem. When we don’t talk about it. When we bottle it up or dismiss it as “just part of being a dad” it builds.
That quiet pressure can turn into resentment, distance in our relationships, mental fatigue, or worse. Mental health stats in Aotearoa are already sobering. Dads, especially new ones, are at high risk for distress, anxiety, and depression. But too often we suffer in silence, thinking, “Other dads probably have this all figured out.”
Spoiler alert: they don’t. Anyone who says they do, is either lying to you, or themselves.
So where do we start, dear reader? You don’t have to sit down and spill your soul in one big hit. But here are three ways to start naming and sharing the load in a real, manageable way:
1. With Your Partner
Have a Sunday night check-in. Nothing fancy. Just a 10–15 minute catch-up to ask:
What’s coming up this week?
What do you need from me?
What’s feeling heavy?
Sharing what’s on your mental plate isn’t a complaint, it’s collaboration. It reminds you both that you’re in this together, not running separate marathons.
2. With Your Mates
When was the last time you asked your mate how they’re really doing? It’s easier with some mates than others, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t lean into those conversations. And chances are, your mates are carrying a similar load and would be relieved someone finally gave them a chance to talk too.
3. With a Coach or Professional
Sometimes you need a space that’s just for you. No filter. No pressure to be strong or brave. Talking to someone outside your circle, like a coach or therapist, gives you room to unpack the stuff that feels too messy or unclear to bring up anywhere else. You don’t need a crisis to check in. You just need to be human. I’ve done this at different junctures in my life to help me be able to go back to my wife and friends and talk. Sometimes you need someone objective to help organise your thoughts or reset your approach and tools.
One of the best things about the conversations I’ve been having lately as I build Dadventure is seeing dads open up and realise they’re not the only experiencing this. When we talk about it, we normalise it and lighten the load. Not just for ourselves, but for our partners and our kids. I’d love to know how any dads reading this manage their own ‘invisible load’ of fatherhood, let me know in the comments.
That’s it for this week! If you made it this far thank you for reading and I hope at least one of the ideas I’ve shared are useful.
Have a great week and be kind to yourself.
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